The List

Years ago, while still attending Jordan High School, (Go Hubmen!) the school brought in a former NFL back-up quarterback to speak to us.  I looked forward to it only because it meant a break from the classroom.  

This guy told me something that changed how I approached life.  I mean this advice really gave me focus.  Something I didn't have.  It was simply advice and easy to do and I'd like to share it with you.

He told the class to think of all the things you want to accomplish in life and write it on paper.  Then place your list by your bedroom door so you see it everyday.

The speaker told us that this uncomplicated plan had worked for him and would work for us too.  Here he was, a successful athlete giving us his secret to life!  I decided that I would do the same thing.

I went home that afternoon and constructed this list (please remember I was in high school at the time):

1. Hit a home run.
2. Dunk a basketball
3. Score a touchdown in a varsity game
4. Never do drugs
5. Don't drink alcohol in high school
6. Go to college and graduate
7. Other stuff that doesn't need to be mentioned here!

I completed the list and taped it to my bedroom door where I would see it everyday.  I eventually crossed off all except numbers 2 and 3.  I actually dunked a volleyball the summer going into my senior year, and during homecoming was tackled on the 10 yard line on my way to the endzone.  That tackle also tore my ACL ending my football career.  If that tackle doesn't injure me, I'm pretty sure everything on my list gets crossed off.

Here is my list today...

1. Start my own business that allows me to live each day how I want.
2. Marry a beautiful wife and have a family.  Done.
3. Make the day I marry my wife the day I love her the least. (so far so good)
4. Become a community education director.  Done.
5. Become debt free.
6. Go to Italy, Egypt, and Alaska.
7. Become a great Dad that spends qualitative and quantitative time with his kids.
8. Write a book.
9. Run a marathon.  Done
10. Tip a waitress $100 on Thanksgiving day.
11. Go skydiving.
12. Continually grow in my relationship with Christ.

I share this with you, because I think by publicly sharing it gives me some accountability to cross off items.  I have a feeling it will work.  Feel free to share with me your list at: nathanwarden@hotmail.com.  Want me to help you cross things off?  Let me know, I'd love to help!

A Closed Mind?

I work with a great group of people.  It's a big reason why I enjoy my job.  I can honestly say that if it weren't for them, I'd most likely be actively looking for a new position. 

One particular co-worker is so hard working and dedicated that I can't help but appreciate everything she does.  In return, I'd like to help her out with some of her goals.

So I asked her one day, "What is one thing that you've always wanted to accomplish, but haven't?"  Her response was, "I've always wanted to travel.  To get on an airplane and go somewhere." Later she told me that not only had she never been on an airplane, but she's never left the state of Minnesota.  When I asked what were the barriers for her to go somewhere she said money and nobody to go with.  Her husband loves his farm and prefers to stay close to home.  Two big barriers. 

Right away in my mind I was contemplating solutions to her obstacles.  "I bet her daughter would go with her, and I bet if she set aside just two dollars a day, at the end of the year she could pay for herself to go on a nice trip.  If she saved two bucks for two years, she could pay for herself and someone else".
A simple, fairly easy plan I thought.  I became excited for her that I had to share my ideas.   So I did.  And I think she liked my plan and became excited!  This was going to be a great experience! 

Unfortunately I've uncovered what I think is her biggest obstacle.  Her mind.  Later in the week, she was filled with hesitation and was coming up with different plans on how to better use her money.  "What if something needs to be fixed, our house needs some repairs.  I think the money would be better used for something else."

Right then, I knew she wasn't going to get on an airplane.  Ever.

I think for years she has told herself over and over again that she would always like to travel but she'll never be able to.  She has told herself this for so long that it has become her truth.

I've become frustrated with the situation.  The solution seems easy to me.  How do I convince her that she can accomplish a life long dream?  I get frustrated because I don't think I can change her mind.  Maybe I'm a frustrated too because I have areas in my life that I could accomplish, but choose to believe I can't. 

So I have questions for "Just Getting Warmed Up" readers:
What do I do now?
Should I do anything else for my co-worker or just drop it?

I leave you with some quotes that relate to accomplishment.

• If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place − Nora Roberts

• Where hope grows, miracles blossom − Elna Rae

• Hope never abandons you, you abandon it − George Weinberg

• Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance − Bruce Barton

• A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing − George Bernard Shaw
  

Five Years

Five years ago my son was just born, my wife worked a part-time position at the church, and I was a youth programs coordinator for Shakopee Community ed.  With a growing family and expenses, I focused my efforts on getting my community ed. director's license so that I could find a job that paid the bills and one I would enjoy.

The Shakopee Community ed. position gave me my first break.  Before landing the Shakopee job I had applied for many recreation and community ed. positions and was called to do a few interviews, only to be told, "We hired someone with more experience."

The phrase, "We hired someone with more experience." was something that I was hearing again now that I was applying for community ed. director positions.  Not only was I applying for director positions, I was looking for coordinator positions in other districts that paid substantially more than I was making.

I applied, and interviewed for at least two dozen positions five years ago and wasn't offered anything.  Each failed interview I learned something.  I learned likely interview questions, learned to make sure I knew where the interview was (I was 20 minute late for one), and to research on each agency I applied for.  The turning point came when I was asked to apply for a coordinator's job in a nearby district.  The position was identical to mine in Shakopee, only it paid $15,000 more.  Undoubtedly I felt I was the best candidate with the most experience.   I still didn't get the job.   I failed again.  I was crushed and bitter.  I knew I needed to raise the bar on how I presented myself during the interview.  So I vowed to research more on the jobs I was applying for and spend more time on my delivery.   If this didn't work, it would be a serious blow to my confidence and ego.

A few months after the failed interview, a community ed. director's position opened up that was very intriguing.  I applied and was asked to come in for an interview.   I had a week to prepare.  Here is what I did.

Day 1. Bought a brand new suit, shirt, tie and shoes.  I now looked sharp.
Day 2. Drove to the city the job was located in with my family, stopped at the Dairy Queen and asked the locals about community ed - and what they thought about the community ed. program.  Then I drove to the library to pick up the community ed. catalog to learn more about the community ed. department.
Day 3. Wrote potential interview questions and wrote my answers.
Day 4. Called the person who's job I was replacing and asked questions about the district, the position, potential obstacles and some positives about the community ed. department.
Day 5.  My wife conducted a mock interview with me.
Day 6.  Spent several hours rehearsing answers with my wife and tweaking answers to fit what I wanted to say.

So I walked into the interview, gave everyone a firm handshake and a smile.  And nailed the interview.  Fortunately, they asked questions I prepared for.  And because I had practiced extensively, I didn't fumble over my words and wasn't as nervous.  Practice had given me confidence.

Two days later they offered me the position.

Today I finally have my community ed. director position in a great school district.   I love this job, but I want to challenge myself and in the next five years hope to have new position closer to home or a position in a larger school district.

Five years from now, my son will be 10 and in fourth grade.  Five years from now... if history shows any consistency a lot will happen in your life.   The next five years may bring new jobs, new learning opportunities, and challenges.  Looking back at the last five years, and looking in the future and where I want to be five years from now, I hope I continue to grow in all aspects of my life, my faith, family, financially, and my career.  It goes by fast.  In the span of 10 years much can change dramatically. 

What would you say to the person you were five years ago?  What would you say to the person you'll be in five years?

How to score points with your wife.

Full exclaimer here:  I am not a marriage expert, I've only been married 9 years and my wife gets frustrated with me on probably a weekly if not daily basis.  For real marriage advice talk to the couple that have been happily married for at least 25 years.

But I've learned at least one thing - how to score points.  Points that pay dividends in your wife's memory bank.  Married men, we know all too well how our wives have memories like steel traps.  We need points because we screw up.  More importantly thoughtful action shows our wives that we are thinking of her - which will in turn add some spice in more ways than one baby!

So let's cut to the chase.

1. Finish your wife's project.  Your wife loves to garden.  She spends all winter long planning, buying seeds and all spring planting the perfect garden.  However in June the momentum has come to a screeching halt and nobody is there to water or weed the garden.  This is where you step up and score the points.
2. Plan a date night.  Pick a date together, but you plan it. 
3. Clean something up that you don't normally clean.  For instance, I never do laundry.  But one time I washed, dried, folded AND put the clothes away WITHOUT prompting.  Let's just say I was rewarded handsomely!  Points O Rama!
4. Say thank you.  Marriages tend to go on cruise control.  Think of all the things your wife does to make your family life better.  A sincere thank you will fill a heart in need of acknowledgement. 
5. Plan a daddy date with the kids - and give your wife a break.
6. You proclaimed a month ago that you need a vacation and mentioned taking the whole family to Duluth.  Your wife used to get get excited when you  mention the "V" word but now isn't excited because you say things like this all the time and never pull the trigger.  Today - do what you say, and score some points.

I'm sure there are more ways to score points - hopefully some of you will leave some tips in the comments section.  I need all the help I can get!

What your greatest fear should be

As I write this, I have gone three consecutive nights away from home.  The second night away from home was my son's birthday.  Sure I got up early and made him breakfast, wished him happy birthday, but I spent the rest of the day and evening working and going to meetings. 

My son still had a great day with his mom and sister going to McDonald's, and getting to do whatever he wanted.  I'm pretty sure he didn't miss me.  Which troubles me.

Author Francis Chan writes, “Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.”  Is there anything worse than giving something all you have when, in the end, it amounts to nothing?  This week, I've made that mistake.

Here is a list from the All Pro Dad's website of the top 10 things in life that don't really matter.

1. Sports Results
   If a doctor informed you that you had six months to live, would the outcome of the Super Bowl suddenly mean anything at all? Sports are a wonderful means of entertainment. When participating they offer a myriad of very positive benefits. However, there is an obsession worldwide with the results of watching other people play a game. Taking someone else’s success story and somehow making it our own. Michael Jordan won a lot of championships and it sure was fun watching him do it. But the rings are on his fingers, not ours, so strive to be a champion in your own world.
2. Living Up To Unrealistic Expectations
   Want to know how to be successful? Avoid unrealistic expectations. Sometimes they are external, such as from a parent or a spouse, and sometimes they come from within. In either case, do not waste energy trying to live up to something you are not. It simply does not matter. We all have a correct path to discover. That is where your energy should be focused.
3. Television
   Talk about obsession. We spend vast amounts of time and resources on how to constantly improve our television viewing experience. We are all guilty. As with sports, television has a place in our lives. We are informed and entertained. But it has gone far beyond that. For some, existence revolves around the TV. Walks aren’t taken. Conversations aren’t had. Life is neglected. All for the sake of what is mostly mind-numbing and brain crushing worthless programming. One only needs to consider the startling success of “Jersey Shore” to realize that television has become an enormous problem in our society. Minds are being rotted into a mushy pulp. Benjamin Franklin, the Wright Brothers and Thomas Edison used to inspire us. Now it’s Snooki.
4. Bitterness
   We all have moments in life where we become consumed by petty differences and bitterness. This is a problem for society as a whole also. We can prop up the political climate in this country as evidence. Pettiness and bitterness only lead to destructive ends. Want to change your life for the better? Drop all those things you are holding on to that are eating you from the inside out. We are instructed to forgive.
5. Revenge
   In the same destructive zone as bitterness, revenge remains a prime motivator in the lives of many. Revenge against the person who wrecked your marriage. Revenge against the person that got the promotion you wanted. Revenge against the driver who cut you off. Certain parts of society have even evolved to the point where revenge has become the heart of their culture. Certainly God desires more from us.
6. Vanity
   The never ending search for perfection. Billions upon billions of dollars are spent each year on all sorts of things designed to make us feel better about ourselves. Whiter teeth. Tighter skin. Enhancements. The list goes on and on. We could feed and house every single poor child in this nation with the money we spend on vanity products. We have a set priority that looks are vastly important. It should be a low priority. From personal observation, the more a person uses artificial changes as a way towards happiness, the less happy they become. They are only masking the real issues that lay inside their broken soul. Most people want to look nice and that is ok, but there comes a point where you must accept and love who and what you are.
7. Technology Obsession
   Life and success both have a best friend in moderation. Obsession tends to lead us too far down paths we do not belong. In this age, we are amazed and awed almost weekly with the latest technological advances. From smart phones to social networking, we are bombarded with new and faster ways to share and absorb information. In moderation, they are extremely helpful in many ways. When abused, they push our lives almost into an artificial existence. Does it really matter if you have the latest and greatest product to replace yesterday’s latest and greatest? No, it does not.
8. Fear of Failure
   The following is a quote from John Keats: “Don’t be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, in as much as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.” Don’t waste your time on fretting about failing.  It won’t matter.  Just go out and do it.
9. Wealth
   “You can’t take it with you when you go.” Money destroys more lives and more marriages than any other source. The trouble with money is that we all must have it. That’s a fact that we can’t get around. Some are blessed with a great deal of it, and others barely scrape by. There is no sin in being wealthy. The sin lies in what motivates you. We are taught from our first moments to worship currency. Like programmed robots. Make money – buy stuff. More money – more stuff. We put forth ten times the amount of effort towards financial matters than we do our eternal souls. No matter where your final destination lies, VISA will not be accepted.
10. False Idols
    We were created and our destiny was written by the one true God. He is who we are to worship. His Word is quite clear about this. Our number one priority should always be our personal relationship with God. Yet, we surround ourselves with multitudes of false idols. All the things we discussed in this list and plenty more. What are you worshipping? Where is your heart? When you are moments from death, will you be able to look up to God and say “I’m ready?”  Don’t waste any more time on false gods.

Lifebelts

During the Second World War, the USS Astoria was badly damaged by a Japanese vessel and sank.  Signalman 3rd Class, Elgin Staples, was swept overboard and kept afloat by a lifebelt.  Staples was rescued by a passing destroyer which again was sunk.  He was back in the ocean but OK thanks to his great lifebelt.  He was picked up once more by the USS President Jackson and on-board he examined the lifebelt that had saved him.  It read that it had been manufactured by the Firestone Tire and Rubber Company and bore a registration number.  Given home leave, Staples told his story to his mother, who happened to work for Firestone, and when they did research on the serial number, they found out that she had been the one to assemble the lifebelt.  One of those amazing acts of providential motherly love. 

My mom and dad have both provided me with similar "lifebelts".  Its taken a few years later to realize all of the lessons. 

Now I'm in the position to provide lifebelts to my little kids.  The lifebelt of being kind to others, to do work they are proud of, the importance of spending less than they earn, how to love and be loved - and how to get back up when you've been kicked down.


Won't be easy to do, but worth it.

Your work

Some people approach their work like this: "I come in on time, even a little early.  I do what the boss asks, and even faster than they expect.  I often stay late, I'm hard working, and loyal."

Another way would be, "What isn't the boss asking me to do that I can do, learn from, make an impact, and possibly fail (yet not be fired)?

Both mindsets are good, but the approach in the first example doesn't mean your indispensable.  Gone are the days were showing up and putting in a honest days work meant job security, advancement, or satisfaction (just ask any public school teacher).  

When I was about 10 years old, my dad was lifting a heavy garden tiller into a truck.  I kinda just stood and watched.  He ended up dropping the tiller, and then yelled at me, "Don't just sit there - help me!"  Although I didn't appreciate the sternness at the time, he helped me understand that I shouldn't have waited for him to ask for help.  I should have been able to see the problem and jumped in without him asking.  Because I did nothing, I had to receive a consequence. 

Hard work used to be working long days with physical labor.  Hard work now involves your brain - seeing a problem and taking a chance on a solution.  This shift means the opportunity lies in problem solving, especially when there isn't an evident problem.  I also think that opportunity will lead to you liking your job more, while creating a job that no one but you can do.  Making you very difficult to replace.

What will you do?
Put in longer hours, do what your told, and be replaceable OR solve the problem the boss doesn't ask and be irreplaceable?

So what problem would you like to solve at work today?