How to put yourself in a good mood

The following is a portion of Dr. Zimmerman's latest "Tuesday Tip".  To subscribe to his free weekly tips, sign up here 

This story helped me start off my day right, I hope it does the same for you. 

Bill Lee is one of my role models when it comes to serving others. Bill says, "Based on my experience ... the best and least expensive cure for depression is to be proactive about doing something for someone who is worse off than you are." And Bill knows what he's talking about.

But let me tell who Bill Lee is. He's one of eight members of an elite group known as "Master Speakers International," eight professional speakers who are tops in their field and a household name to millions. I've had the privilege of being one of those eight members for the last twelve years, and those seven other people have blessed my life and my career in ways I never could have imagined.

Bill taught me that one of the best ways to stop complaining is to start serving others. Eleven years ago, Bill was introduced to mission work at an orphanage in Mexico. Since then, in addition to his full-time speaking and consulting business, Bill has made 50 trips to Mexico to work with the orphaned and abandoned children of Casa Hogar La Familia ... all at his own expense.

As Bill puts it, "I can't possibly say enough about the personal benefits of giving service to others. I have learned so much about happiness from a group of 30 children who have no material things whatsoever." No toys. No electronics. No brand-name clothing. In fact, each child has a cubby hole in their dorm room that is 15 inches wide and 36 inches high that contains 100% of everything they own.

"And I tell you this," Bill continues, "these same children are enormously happy. They almost never fight ... cry ... or complain. I never return from a mission trip that I am not amazed ... compared to other nations in the world ... how rich we are in this country ... and how much time we spend complaining that we don't have even MORE."

Because most of these children have been abandoned by their parents ... virtually all of them have good reasons to be bitter and selfish. Yet they're not. They are amazingly generous in their service to others.

Take Arturo, for example. Bill has seen him grow from age 5 to his present age of 16. Arturo is the second oldest of four children ... all of whom have lived at La Familia virtually all of their lives. And like the other children, Arturo has no personal possessions.

During one of the mission trips Bill led to La Familia, one of his team mates gave Arturo a straw hat he had purchased to wear while in Mexico. On the last day of our mission trip, they bought a large cake and had a big birthday party for all of the children who were celebrating birthdays during that particular month. One of the birthday boys was named Cesar.

During the celebration, Arturo came running over to the man who had given him the hat and was rattling off a mile a minute in Spanish. The man didn't speak any Spanish, so he asked Bill what Arturo was saying. Bill told him that Arturo wanted permission to give his hat to Cesar as a birthday present.

You have to understand ... Arturo loved that hat. He wore it every minute of the day. He even slept in the hat. After all, that straw hat represented 100% of everything Arturo owned in this world, yet he wanted to give it to Cesar as a gift.

As Bill finished his commentary, he said, "Living a life that includes being of service to others ... is always more beneficial to the giver ... than it is to the recipient." You learn to practice an attitude of gratitude when you're serving others and you just naturally stop the complaining habit.

The problem with the Lions, Rotary, and Service Groups

I just don't get it.  People who participate in service groups like the Jaycees, the Lions and Rotary not only volunteer their time to make a difference in their community and the world, but they actually PAY to be a part of these organizations.  This is crazy!

Sure it feels good to help others, but I hear the yearly dues can reach up to $100?  I don't understand.  $100 bucks to volunteer?!  What is wrong with these people?  Seriously!  Don't they realize we're in a recession? 

Ok, I admit it.  I belong to a service group.  I'm a Rotarian, and up until three months ago, I was also a (gasp!) Lion.  For a couple of years I was in two service groups at the same time.  I'm a crazy person.  I pay to volunteer.  And I tell you what, it is worth every penny.

To me the best part of being a Rotarian and Lion are the people.  There's nothing quite like a room of dedicated people willing to make a difference.  These are giving people.  These are people with big hearts, and these are people who know how to have fun.  One of the biggest "selling points" a Lion made to me in jest was, "Join the Lions, we're a bunch of dudes who like to give away a bunch of money and drink beer."  Say no more!  When's the next meeting?

A unique feature of the Rotary Club in Le Sueur is the shenanigans of two very distinguished fine masters.  Bob and Bruce.  A pair of jokesters.  When I first joined Rotary, I wasn't sure what a fine master was.  Until I was fined.  They fined me $1 for my name badge.  Then I was fined for wearing a jacket!  I am very careful with my money, and I hate to lose it, so I didn't like being fined.  Was I gonna be out a $1 or more at each of these meetings?  Then a weird thing happened, I actually looked forward to getting fined and donating $1 to the cause.   It's hard to explain, but a fine is kinda like a "welcome to the group, we're glad you're here" type of gesture. 

Most service clubs meet once a month.  Some meet once a week for breakfast or lunch.  All do great things for the community.  I've enjoyed my time volunteering at Fish Fry's, Pancake breakfasts, and even selling tickets for various fundraisers, the money raised always makes the community stronger.  But for me the best part of being a Lion or a Rotarian are the good people in it.  No matter how crazy they appear on the outside, it's always good to be in the company of those who help others.  

I encourage you to check out a meeting and find out more about the service groups in your community.   Tell them Nate told you to drop on by.   

 

Connectedness

Have you ever said something negative about someone, only to discover that person was in earshot from you?  I confess, this has happened to me more than I care to admit. 

While watching a high school baseball game I made some critical comments about one individual athlete on the home team.  I spoke about the lack of talent and intelligence in this young lad (putting it nicely).  A few moments later, I noticed the player's mother was one row in front of me.  Open mouth, insert foot.

Last week, I said some unflattering things about a parent, only to realize the parent's son was right next to me.  Then it dawned on me.  Just about every time I open my big mouth to cut another person down, it bites me in the rear.  I don't necessarily think the negative outcomes are a coincidence. 

On the flip-side, it seems to me, that treating others well can have some unintended positive consequences.  

During my college years I shared some education classes with a girl named Kathy.  Kathy was a fun-loving gal with a good heart.  During the course of a semester I got to know Kathy better and became friends with her.  Turns out Kathy grew up just 25 minutes from my hometown of Jordan.  She lived in Le Sueur, the land of the Jolly Green Giant.

After college, Kathy and I lost contact and went our separate ways.

Seven years pass after college, and a posting for a community education director opens.  In Le Sueur.  Kathy's hometown.  Before this opening I had been applying for community education director positions at many school districts in the Twin Cities metro area, only to receive numerous rejection letters.  For the better part of 11 years, I had been putting all my efforts into becoming a community ed. director.

For whatever reason, the job in Le Sueur felt promising.  So I sent in my cover letter and resume.  Weeks pass after the application deadline, and I don't hear anything.  Not a good omen.  Then on a Friday morning, I received a call from the Le Sueur-Henderson school district superintendent asking for an interview the next week. 

In between rehearsing answers to possible interview questions, and researching the school district, our family decided to go to chutes and ladders in Bloomington.  Funny thing happened there.  I ran into Kathy, the only person I've ever met from Le Sueur.  "I think this is a sign," my wife mentions to me.

It gets better.

Naturally Kathy and I discuss what we've been doing the past seven years, and I bring up that I have an interview at the school in Le Sueur.  Then Kathy says, "Did you know my dad works for the school as the district accountant?"

Are you serious!  What are the chances of running into Kathy, and her dad works for the district I am applying to, and has strong connections with the man who will be hiring me!?  Unbelievable!

When we returned home that afternoon, we found it humorous to see the legion baseball team just happened to be playing Le Sueur.

A day after the interview, I was offered the job.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure.  I like to think God had something to do about it.  Did Kathy's dad put in a good word for me?  I don't know.  However, I do know that if I was a jerk to Kathy, her father would have raised some red flags about me, and I wouldn't have been hired.  

Talk about a reason to treat people with love and respect.  You never know if the relationships you have with others, or the way you talk about others, will open or close doors for you.

Confessions of a wedding bartender, part I

As a bartender for wedding receptions, you think you've seen it all.  Then somehow, each week the wedding guests always surprise you.  Let me tell ya, I could write a book.   Wedding receptions typically start out the same.   First on the scene is almost always the cute elderly folk, slowly strolling in with their walkers and canes.  But from there, its anyone's guess on what the night has in store.   From the mundane, "lets go to bed early" wedding to the, "we are going to party like this is our last night on this earth" wedding - you just don't know what is going to happen.

Today's wedding tale occurred a few weeks ago at the number one rated public golf course in the state and my wedding employer, Ridges at Sand Creek in Jordan.  

Walking into the wedding hall with my tuxedo shirt and bow tie, I hear a female co-worker announce that Tommy Kramer, former NFL Vikings Quarterback, was out on the course golfing.  Not only was he golfing, she exclaimed, but she had kissed him.  On the lips!  Whoa ho!  The 40 year old married woman was beaming.  Well that's kinda cool I thought.  It's not too often that anyone of any notoriety comes to Jordan.

After setting up the bar, my bartender friends settle into our cramped but cozy spot behind the bar and start dishing out mixed drinks and tap beer.  

Later dinner is served and the teenage bus boys and girls frantically work the tables to fill water glasses, and clear dishes.  A couple hours pass by, and this wedding is turning into your standard wedding reception.  I mention to my bartender friends, that the last month of weddings has yet to produce many water cooler stories.

Enter Tommy Kramer

"I think we have our story." I said to my co-workers as I nodded towards Two-Minute Tommy.

Those Minnesotans who are old enough to remember Two-Minute Tommy, remember that he liked to have his share of adult beverages.  Today was no exception.  Tommy was drunk as a skunk and he was crashing this small town wedding. 

And the wedding guests were loving it!  "Look - it's Tommy Kramer!"  "Hey, Let's get our picture taken with Tommy Kramer!"  Tommy was shooting the breeze with everyone and posing for pictures.

It wasn't long before Tommy came to the bar and ordered a drink.  We asked him what he was doing here in Jordan.  He replied that he lives in Texas, but hates to sweat when he golfs so he comes to Minnesota to golf.

Then out of the blue the M.O.B (mother of the bride) yells, "EEECKKK!!! Tommy Kramer!  Tommy Kramer!  You have to dance with my daughter!"  She proceeds to grab him by the hand and run him to the dance floor where the bride and her new husband are dancing alone on the dance floor.  The newlyweds are gazing lovingly into each other eyes when mom and Tommy burst onto the floor and cut into their dance.  The bride had a confused look in her eyes that screamed, "Who is this guy?  What is going on?" While the husband just stood there with a blank look on his face..

Mom watched with a big smile while others went up to take Tommy and the new bride's picture while the two of them awkwardly danced.   I'm positive the bride had no idea who Tommy Kramer was, but just went with the flow anyway.

The wedding guests loved him.

Why?  I think its because we admire people who have done the extraordinary.  Playing for the Vikings is extraordinary.   What I don't get is, why does Tommy Kramer, choose to waste the opportunity with his notoriety?  His legacy, unless he changes, will be a life of drunkeness.   It's been 20 years since Tommy has played football.  2 decades wasted in more ways than one.

To the Jordan High School class of 1995

Last Saturday, 20 members from the class of 1995 met to reminisce and reconnect.  It has been 15 years since we roamed the halls of Jordan high school.  With this reunion, we've now spent more time since graduation away from each other than our years spent together in school.

That blows my mind - how can we be that old where our time out of school has surpassed our time together!?!

15 years have come and gone, but I remember something funny that happened to our class.  I mean something really unusual.  Something that defies belief in today's society....  We all got along.  Don't get me wrong, our cohesiveness definitely wasn't the case in junior high and even during our junior year.  We had our cliques, our differences.   I bet each one of us, if we are being honest, could say we treated others poorly and were ourselves victims of being treated badly. But senior year we realized that this was it, after graduation we wouldn't see each other every day.  We'd maybe see each other every five years.  By the time we went on our senior trip to Wisconsin Dells we all realized the end of school was here and we were going to make the most of it.  We enjoyed our remaining days together.

I don't remember who gave our commencement speech, or even what the speech was about.  Maybe all of you have forgotten the commencement speech too.  Since I forgot that message, and since I've always wanted to give a commencement speech, I'd like to write to you as if the date is June 1995, and I am still a young kid, head full of hair and ambition, looking to make his mark on the world.

Congratulations to the class of 1995,
We are a unique and successful group.  Never before has a Jordan high school class been so successful.  We experienced state tournament appearances, conferences championships, not just in one sport in one season, but multiple sports in EACH fall, winter, and spring season.  Unprecedented.  But you know what I noticed. We did it all without superstar athletes.  Not one person from our class will go on to play at a division I college.  Because we worked harder than anyone else, we accomplished more.  You have proved that work ethic and team work is more valuable than talent.

Think back to 1st grade.  You were innocent, young, and knew what you were good at.  When you were in elementary school you listened to the voice in your head telling you were good at something.   It might have been doing art, music, fixing things, storytelling, or sports.  Whatever it was, it got you out of bed in the morning.   But somewhere down the line, something changed.  By the time we reached junior high we began to lose that first grade innocence and stopped listening to what we were made to do.   By junior high, the world, our teachers, and sometimes our parents told us it was more important to go after "safe" jobs that will pay the bills and support a family.   You started listening to others, rather than yourself. 

Start listening to that voice again.  When you're 35 years old don't stop listening.  Recall your passions and figure out a way to bring it back into your life.   Am I telling you to quit your job and try out for the Twins?  No.  That's not realistic.  But maybe at night, you turn off the TV, and tune into your strengths.   I'm NOT talking about the stuff you're good at.  I'm talking about the stuff that makes you lose track of time, the activities that make you come alive and make you feel strong.  Those are your strengths!  Rediscover your passion and figure out how to incorporate it into your job, or how you can do it on a small scale on the side on weekends.  

At the very least, teach your children to follow their dreams.  Instead of focusing on the F on the report card, have them focus on subjects they get an A in, subjects that they enjoy and have the capacity excel in.  Their growth will be in areas they are good in, if they focus all their energy on their weakness, life becomes boring, and the improvements minimal. 

More importantly, our time on this spinning rock is short.  Before you know it, we'll be celebrating double digit class reunions.  In that time frame, some of you will experience love on an incredible new level when your children are born.  Some of you will feel the pain of losing a loved one.  Unlike our senior year, we won't know when our time together will end.  But you must, just like the end of our senior year, make the most of your relationships with others.   

Don't wait until its too late.  Do it now.  Don't let high school or college be the best years of your life.

Yelling vs. The Blues

Ever heard the phrase, "If you're not mad you're not paying attention."?  I think I would like to change it to, "If you're not inspired, then you're not paying attention."  Today I was inspired by a pretty talented cross country coach. 

With two weeks to go before the end of the cross country season, and with the workouts increasing in difficulty it is not unusual for some of the cross country athletes to start coming up with excuses to miss the tough workouts. 

Coaches don't like it when players miss practice in any sport.  Period.  So when the Le Sueur Giants cross country team started missing some athletes last week, the head coach noticed.  He mentioned to me that he had a plan to "rile up the team" come Monday's workout.  He didn't tell me his plan.

Flashback to 1992:
I'm a high school freshman on the junior varsity basketball team.  The coach, Brian Wierke.  The man knew basketball, and was a recent college graduate from Bemidji State University.  While there he was a four year college basketball letter winner and was captain of the team.  I immediately liked him.  He taught me more about basketball than any of my other coaches.  He was a yeller, and when we didn't play well - he let us know about it.   We were horrible, so he yelled a lot.  He once said that if he stopped yelling, that was a sign that he stopped caring.  That stuck with me.

Fast forward 18 years to Monday's workout:
When the cross country coach told me he was going to "rile up the team" I wasn't sure what he was going to say, I was expecting the inevitable.  Fireworks.  He was going to let them have it.  I knew that for sure.  He cares for the kids on the team as if they are his own sons and daughters, and like coach Wierke said, if the coach stops yelling, he stops caring.

It's now 3:15.  While the cross country team is warming up, the coach solemnly sits on the bench.  He doesn't say a word.  He pays no attention to the team.  When the team is finished warming up he calls them over and has them take a seat on the ground.

A few moments of silence pass... and visions of a Hitler like rampage are running through my head.  (For an example go here ).  

Then he spoke, "This time of year, in any sport, kids start to lose interest.  Last week there were a lot less runners on Thursday than there was on Monday, and for Saturdays workout only a couple of you showed up.  I sometimes forget that not everyone has the same passion for running that I do."

He paused.  Turned his hat backwards, put on sunglasses, and from his backpack he took out...
a harmonica.  And started to sing:  "The cross country blues!"  A humorous song that brought smiles to all the kids faces and encouraged them to run strong and to run for each other - the cornerstones of the cross country team.  He also sang of how fast the season flies by, and to appreciate each day together.  He had spent the whole weekend writing the music and lyrics.   It was awesome!

Now you tell me which method is more powerful, yelling or "The Blues"?  Today I learned a valuable lesson, that you can accomplish more by building up students, then by yelling. 

Thanks Coach!

Factory society

Typical formula for success in America:

1) Listen to what your teachers say - follow instructions
2) Get good grades, graduate from high school
3) Go to college - listen to your professors
4) Declare a major that will determine your career path
5) Take out major school loans to pay for college
6) Graduate from college with major debt
7) Get a job, marry a trophy wife, buy a house, a new car, and have children.
8) Work hard for somebody else so that you can pay your bills.  Repeat day after day.

Do you know anyone who has followed these 8 steps?  If you know me, then you do.  Am I leading a successful life?  I'm not sure. (Although I Totally lucked out on #7)

I kinda feel like a product out of a factory.  A factory who's product is starting to become obsolete.  Hidden somewhere, deep down I hear a voice calling for me to do more.  It's a tiny voice.   Questions arise:

Should I listen the voice or stay on the same path?
What exactly am I being called to do?
Am I happy with the way things are going?
What if I change... and the change is awesome?
What if I try something different and fail? 
Could I recover?
What if I do nothing?

Am I alone, or do you too have an inner yearning, a belief that you are called to do more.  Have you acted on those gut feelings?  Is the voice getting louder?

I think the trick is to listen to that voice... and then start small.  Baby steps.  Gradually grow until you know its possible - then you go for mastery.  But the important thing is action.  If you fail, you learn.  If you learn, you can do it better next time.

Anyone want to join me?  I have a feeling this factory system won't cut it much longer.