Stupidity and Butterflies

One thing I miss about being a teenager is being stupid.   When I was younger I never experienced stress.  Now it seems as though the older I get, the more I over-think things, and the more I experience stress.  I feel the tension of trying to do great work, providing for my family, and leading a life of character.   I am not overwhelmed, but for a week I've had a knot in my stomach.  This persistent knot is new to me.  Normally when I get the butterflies it will last for just a few minutes, but this is unusual.  I want it to go away.

Last week I made a quick announcement in front of 400 people regarding the dates, location, and theme of a conference I am helping out on.  I'm really excited about this conference.  But for whatever reason about 20 minutes before I was to go on stage to make the announcement, I freaked out.  This is where I wish I was stupid again.  Because during my freakfest not only did I imagine me fumbling over my words, but that my short little announcement (that I had thoroughly prepared for) wouldn't go over well.   In my mind I imagined the worst case scenario, and then I hit the "repeat" button.  

This is where being stupid would have come in handy.

If I was stupid, I wouldn't have thought about failure, I would have gone ahead spoke in front of a large group and done my thing.

Maybe stupidity is why Mark Zuckerberg succeeded with Facebook, maybe stupidity is the reason why Lindberg succeeded flying across the Atlantic.  Think about Lindberg, do you think it was smart to fly the Spirit of St. Louis over the Atlantic when nobody else had done it before?  That's about as dumb as you can get.  To Zuckerberg, Lindberg and countless other successful endeavors, logic was thrown out the door and only possibilities remained.

You and I with our big brains over-think failure and create sound evidence in our minds to shove our dreams to the side. 

All of us have that self-doubting voice in our head, all of us get butterflies when we're about to attempt to do something out of our comfort zone.   We want that knot in our stomach to go away, we want the butterflies to stop floating.  No matter what I write, I'm not ever going to make those things go away for you or me. 

But here is the tough thing - you have a choice.  You can untie the knot and you can kill the butterflies in your stomach by ending your dream, which will finally give you relief.  Or you can you climb the knot, ride those butterflies, and keep your dream alive.

Your daughter

The following is from the ALL PRO DAD'S blog from today.  Made me think of my little girl... so for those of you with daughters check this out:

The Journal of Family Psychology noted that 41% of fathers who have sons spent more time with them, compared to 16% for dads of daughters.  It may seem more natural for dads to spend more time with sons because of common interests, but that doesn’t make it right. Girls need every bit as much of their dad’s attention as boys do. If you have a daughter, talk to your wife about different ways you can enter her world – even if you don’t always understand – and spend time with her doing the things she likes to do.   Here are the top 10 things to do with your daughter on a date.

10 Things to do on a Date with Your Daughter

1. Dress up for the occasion.  Dressing nicely will let her know you take this date seriously.  Definitely lose the gym shorts and shoes without socks.
   
2. Make sure she's happy with her outfit.  If you daughter doesn't "feel" pretty, she won't have a good time with you.  If you can afford it, offer to take her shopping beforehand to pick out an outfit she really likes.
   
3. Buy her flowers before you go.  If you want to get really creative, have a single white rose in the middle of a dozen red roses and talk about how much she really does stand out.
   
4. Hold open doors.  Show her what a gentleman looks like and what she needs to expect from her future dates.
   
5. Take her to an upscale restaurant.  Save up and take her somewhere really nice.  This is not an Arby's kind of night.
   
6. Give her a meaningful gift of some kind.  It doesn't have to be expensive, just something she will keep and every time she looks at it, think of you.
   
7. Have the conversation revolve around encouraging her.  This is not a time for you to lecture, but to listen and encourage.  Share with her all the things you love and appreciate about her.
   
8. Share with her some of the first dates you had with her mother.  She'll get a big kick about hearing how you had the best leisure suit at your high school back in the day.
   
9. Talk about what your next daddy/daughter date should be as your heading home or on to your next activity,
   
10. Leave a thank you card on her pillow the next day.  Write how much you appreciated getting to spend time with her.

 Dads... might be an idea to try over the next couple of weeks. 

High Wire Act

In 1974 a man named Philippe Petit wanted to walk on a high wire 1,350 feet in the air between the World Trade Center Towers.  This illegal remarkable feat would take years of preparation, exuberant expenses, and a willingness to accept potential high risk collapse.   At best, failure would mean wasted time and effort, at worst, failure would mean death and heartache.

For Philippe, there was no choice.  Despite the danger, despite the high cost of failure, the Twin Towers called for him.  This was why he was born.  Every fiber in his being begged for him to walk on a wire.  He was going to risk everything.

After years of wire walking training, years of planning, and several lucky breaks, the moment finally came for Philippe to live out his dream.  He approached the wire, and with one foot anchored on the wire, and with one foot anchored to the building, Philippe had a decision to make,

"Do I shift my weight from the building and onto the wire?  This is something that probably is the end of my life if I step on that wire.  But something that I could not resist, and I did not make any attempt to resist, called me onto that cable.  And death is very close."

He performed for nearly an hour.  Lying down on the cable, kneeling on the cable, and dancing. 

Want to know the whole story.  Watch the movie: Man on Wire.

  

Guide for Surviving Jordan, Minnesota

Growing up in Jordan, then moving away for a short time only to come back and raise a family, I've come to appreciate the quaint and calming parts of a old town that's just on the outskirts of the twin cities metro area, but yet has all of the aspects of small town Minnesotan near the countryside and the river bluffs.  

Summers are glorious in Jordan and if you are a baseball fan there is simply nothing better than a ball game at the historic Jordan baseball park, A.K.A. the "mini-met".  With the warm glow of the sun setting beyond left field, the sounds of sand creek, and the smell of popcorn from the concession stand and you might find yourself losing yourself in the moment.  The fresh popcorn smell brings me back to my childhood and going to the game with good ol' dad.  Now my kids come to the game with me.  As I watch the from the top of the small hill on third base side the ball park, the kids laugh and smile as they go up and down.  Rolling down the third base hill has almost become a rite of passage for Jordan youth.

Even though I grew up Catholic in Jordan, I've attended several services at the Lutheran and Baptist Churches.  One thing is very noticeable in each church.  The people.  You're greeted with a welcoming smile.  They are glad you're there.   If you like good food, you are sure to find it at any of the churches in Jordan.  Be it a fish fry, pancake breakfast, or spaghetti dinner, these food fundraisers are a great way to connect with others, fill your belly, and give you the satisfaction of helping someone out.

If you truly want to survive living in Jordan, join the Lions.  They are by far the most fun service group in town.  They take care of each other and especially the community.  When I was recruited by a lion the pitch was, "Join the Lions, we drink beer and give away a bunch of money."  Say no more!  I'm in!  The men in the group are selfless.  They are good people.   Want to survive living in a small town, surround yourself with individuals like this.

For me one of the most therapeutic activities in Jordan is simply going on a walk.  I live in the old part of town which offers many neat walking routes.   You can do the downtown/water street loop, the lagoon park/millpond/waterfalls loop, or for a little more adventure you hike can the bluffs of sand creek or along the Minnesota river.  I'd tell you my favorite walking location, but then I'd have to break your ankles.

In the last several years it seems like some of the residents have become more and more engaged and more and more enraged with proposed projects or initiatives happening in or around Jordan.  The 282/21 construction project, 2009 school district referendum vote, and the new crematorium come to mind.  Jordan seems to be divided more than ever. 

In order to survive here and get along with your neighbors, here are five tips on what NOT to do.
1) Complain about the city council, school board, your neighbors, or anything else regarding the town. 
2) Write nasty letters to the editor in the paper, or write negative comments in the online version of the paper.  Its always tempting to reply to some who you feel is off base, but consider this - no matter how eloquent you write, chances are you won't change their point of view.  Knowing this would you spend the time and energy on an message board responding to an anonymous person?  All you do is upset your neighbor.  Your efforts would be better spent writing a thoughtful letter to a loved one.  Someone who appreciates you.
3) Attend a high school athletic event wearing red and white.  Those are Belle Plaine's school colors.  Not.  Cool.  Maroon and gold is the way to go, baby!
4) Turn in your water/sewer bill late.  Those late fees are killer!
5) Choose McDonald's over Clancys.  That's a rookie mistake.  Clancy's has the best burgers and my favorite pizza, Audrey's Supreme!  I do have to admit, the McDonald's play place is a lifesaver come winter when the playgrounds are covered in snow.


Final Jordan Survival Tip: Be generous.
I think it is human nature to be generous to others.  If we are generous to others, then maybe down the road when we're in trouble the favor will be returned.  As soon as you stop giving, you stop receiving and you lose out.  The goal is to have a Win-Win scenario for everybody.

Be good to your neighbor, you'll need them further down the road.

10 Unconvential Money Tips

When my marriage and family were brand new we made some mistakes.  One of the bigger mistakes had to do with our finances and the purchase of our home.  We bought a charming historic house with the original woodwork, a newly remodeled bathroom, and everything in sound condition.  We purchased the house seven years ago where real estate seemed to be the best investment for your dollar.  Need to pay off your soaring credit card balance?  Roll it into your mortgage!  Want a new car?  Take out a 2nd mortgage!  Doesn't matter, home values are only going UP! UP! UP! Then the housing market crashed.  And I cried.

We bought our house with the intention of staying in it for many years.  So we extended and bought a house out of our price range.  When the credit cards were becoming too large, we rolled them into the mortgage.   Two huge mistakes we learned: don't buy a house with a monthly payment of more than 25% of your take home pay and don't roll your credit cards into your mortgage.

One year into home ownership we discovered two huge problems.  Carpenter ants and bats.  Both were very expensive to remove and bats are almost impossible to get rid of forever.  Then the roof started leaking, and the newly remodeled bathroom needed $4000 worth of repairs.  Apparently the previous owner did all the work himself, and was a lousy carpenter/plumber/electrician.

Throw in two kids in daycare and trying to start a new business that wasn't bringing in money and you've got a recipe for financial disaster.   Despite the financial struggles we never once missed a mortgage payment.  Here are some unconventional tips we used to save money.

1. Canceled cable.... saved us over $40 month and my wife and I learned what it was like to actually talk to each other rather than turn into zombies after the kids went to sleep.
2. Trimmed our food budget to the bare minimum.  Lots of peanut butter sandwiches (which I love).  With the use of coupons and the purchase of generic products we only spent $200/month for our family.  We did learn one thing about generic products... most are great, but nothing beats KRAFT macaroni and cheese.  Never buy generic Mac n Cheese!  We also found out that Target brand has great prices on diapers, formula, and other baby stuff.
3. Prioritized bills.  We always paid the mortgage first.  If we didn't have enough cash for the bills on the bottom of the list, we didn't pay them.  Some months we didn't pay the phone bill, trash, or the natural gas bill.  The late fees were minimal for these and the service after a couple months never stopped.
4. Picked up a bunch of hours working as a part time bartender/waiter at the local golf course.  I discovered that one of the best part time jobs is working as a bartender for events and weddings.  Some weddings you can earn over $50/hour.  Which is twice as much as I make at the school district.  Plus weddings are awfully fun to work.
5. Stopped going out to eat, and didn't go on any vacations.  This was very hard for us.  One summer we had to make the tough phone call to family members that we weren't able to go on the family reunion in Colorado. 
6. Took advantage of daycare reimbursements through my employer so that my daycare costs were taken out of my paycheck before taxes, saving us hundreds.  We did the same with what's called a "Flex Account" for purchases like eye-glasses and dental work, things not covered by health insurance.
7. Autumn and I stopped buying clothes for ourselves, and cut back on buying clothes for the kids.  We started shopping at Goodwill for items such as shoes, jackets, and necessary winter clothing.  Nobody would ever notice.  We were fortunate, the kids did get a bunch of new clothes from grandma and grandpa.
8. Canceled the cell phone.  I know.  Huge.  10 years ago people surprisingly survived without cell phones.
9. Then, a minor entertainment savings was showing up 10 minutes late to the local high school varsity games.  I found that right after tip-off, they close the admission tables and you can get into the games for free.  Didn't save me much, but I didn't fret about having the $5 to get into the game.
10. Made homemade gifts for occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, and weddings.  My wife and mother-in-law bought me a wine making kit for my birthday.  My parents have a huge raspberry patch and people donate their used wine bottles to me.  I can make a bottle of wine for less than a dollar a bottle.  So when it comes time for Christmas, anniversaries, weddings, birthdays, New Year's Eve and other occasions, I give away my wine.  I've continued this and it has literally saved me hundreds of dollars.  Plus my wife makes play-doh, slime, bubbles, and other fun kid friendly gifts so that we don't spend a lot on our nieces, nephews, and our kids' friends for birthdays and Christmas.  Plus these gifts have a lot more meaning behind them than a gift card.  

I'm proud to say we survived our financial hardship without any handouts.  We just rolled up our sleeves and went to work.  Now that we are back on stable financial ground we appreciate the freedom that comes with money in the bank.  We have not reached all of our fiscal goals, but we will never ever again be broke.  

Marriage Woes for Baby Boomers

In Sunday's StarTribune newspaper there was a front page story regarding an increasing number of baby boomers who are divorcing.  In fact 25% of divorces today are from those who have been married for 20 years or more.  The baby boom generation has already brought the highest divorce rate the nation has ever known, now they are showing us again how not to have a good marriage.

Interestingly, the fastest growing segment of the population that are now cohabiting, rather than getting married, are those in their 50's.   Shacking it up - it's no longer just for those in their 20s.  

What's going on here?!

The article went on to say that once the children leave the house or the youngest is about to graduate from high school, the children were no longer a reason for the couple to stay together.

My immediate reaction to the story was this:  Start going on more dates people!  Go do something you both enjoy together and love on each other.  And I'm gonna say it - after the date is over, make sure you end up wrapped up in between the sheets together, naked!  Got it?  Good. 

Yes children are important, but let's not forget about your spouse. 

I referenced before on this blog that I'm not a marriage expert.  And I do realize that you baby boomers are old enough to have powdered by butt, - BUT, I do love my wife more than ever and we've got a good thing going.  I think we're doing some things right, so hopefully my advice carries some weight.

Here are four reasons why author Bryan Davis thinks marriage is awesome.

1. Marriage done right makes you less selfish

It's not the institution of marriage that is failing.  It's us.  We, overall as a culture, are just more selfish.  It's all about us.  I have needs and if they're not met, I'm outta here.  Rather, marriage done right isn't as much about what we feel as how we can meet the needs of our spouse.  It's sacrificing ourselves to be others-centered, starting with our spouse.  In a nutshell, the most vibrant marriages are also the least selfish.  And this trait is acquired over a lifetime.  The more selfless you become, the more you will love your spouse.  And selfless, others-centered folks have a healthy spillover effect on their surrounding culture.

2. Marriage done right makes you healthier

Every single serious study ever done on marriage and singleness clearly shows that married folks live longer, healthier lives.  Most recently, The Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health found that compared with married people, people who are widowed are 40 percent more likely to die, people who are divorced or separated are 27 percent more likely to die, and people who have never married were 58 percent more likely to die.  The main reason?  We were designed to be in a flourishing, monogamous relationship with a spouse.  When we deny this, the very way we are made, our minds, bodies and souls suffer.

3. Marriage done right is what's best for your kids

Similar to the overwhelming conclusion of marital studies on the impact of health, virtually all research shows that the two-parent home is what is best for children.  Recently, The Future of Children, a journal published jointly by the non-partisan Brookings Institution and Princeton University, found that children from two-parent families are better off emotionally, socially and economically.  Contrast that with the fact that the average prison inmate came from a single parent home according to the National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated.  Your kids need a healthy relationship modeled – your marriage.

4. Marriage done right is God's best for your life story

There is the gift of singleness, no doubt, but for the vast majority of us, marriage is God's best.  According to Genesis 2, marriage is the first and most important institution God created – preceding governments, churches and schools.  God designed us and knows what's best for us.  He doesn't want us alone.  He wants us "one flesh" with another human being.  As our Creator, let's not doubt His goodness to us.  Marry well.  Live well.

The List

Years ago, while still attending Jordan High School, (Go Hubmen!) the school brought in a former NFL back-up quarterback to speak to us.  I looked forward to it only because it meant a break from the classroom.  

This guy told me something that changed how I approached life.  I mean this advice really gave me focus.  Something I didn't have.  It was simply advice and easy to do and I'd like to share it with you.

He told the class to think of all the things you want to accomplish in life and write it on paper.  Then place your list by your bedroom door so you see it everyday.

The speaker told us that this uncomplicated plan had worked for him and would work for us too.  Here he was, a successful athlete giving us his secret to life!  I decided that I would do the same thing.

I went home that afternoon and constructed this list (please remember I was in high school at the time):

1. Hit a home run.
2. Dunk a basketball
3. Score a touchdown in a varsity game
4. Never do drugs
5. Don't drink alcohol in high school
6. Go to college and graduate
7. Other stuff that doesn't need to be mentioned here!

I completed the list and taped it to my bedroom door where I would see it everyday.  I eventually crossed off all except numbers 2 and 3.  I actually dunked a volleyball the summer going into my senior year, and during homecoming was tackled on the 10 yard line on my way to the endzone.  That tackle also tore my ACL ending my football career.  If that tackle doesn't injure me, I'm pretty sure everything on my list gets crossed off.

Here is my list today...

1. Start my own business that allows me to live each day how I want.
2. Marry a beautiful wife and have a family.  Done.
3. Make the day I marry my wife the day I love her the least. (so far so good)
4. Become a community education director.  Done.
5. Become debt free.
6. Go to Italy, Egypt, and Alaska.
7. Become a great Dad that spends qualitative and quantitative time with his kids.
8. Write a book.
9. Run a marathon.  Done
10. Tip a waitress $100 on Thanksgiving day.
11. Go skydiving.
12. Continually grow in my relationship with Christ.

I share this with you, because I think by publicly sharing it gives me some accountability to cross off items.  I have a feeling it will work.  Feel free to share with me your list at: nathanwarden@hotmail.com.  Want me to help you cross things off?  Let me know, I'd love to help!