St. John the Baptist School, a Loss of a Historic Jordan Building

On August 6^th, they will begin demolishing the old St. John’s School building.  It will be difficult to drive past to see an empty space where the red brick school used to loom large.  

Given the options the church has, unfortunately, tearing the school down is the right thing to do.  Nevertheless, I'm sure it was a difficult decision to tear down the 110 year old building. 

My affection to the building, which is no different than many who attended, or worked there, is tied to the memories made and the uniqueness of a 110 year old structure.  Earlier this summer, a group of parishioners were working to salvage some of the wooden banisters, doors, coat hooks, and more.  I asked if there was a way I could walk through the building one last time.  After signing a waiver, they let me enter the building.

As I walked into the old school, with the smell of old wood and hearing the familiar creak of the staircase, I was no longer a 42 year married man with children, I transformed into my 11 year old self and I was a student again.  I’m wearing the St. John’s uniform of a white cotton polo shirt, navy blue dress pants with creases down the middle of each leg, and white Reebok high top sneakers. I have a full head of hair again.  The year is 1987, I’m in 5^th grade, where my parents are in charge of my well being, the Twins just won the World Series and worries of adulthood are gone.  My teacher was Ms. Smith and I had a crush on the cute girl who sat in front of me.

Each room I go into replays a slideshow of memorable moments.  In kindergarten, Mrs. Langsweirdt is reading books to us while sitting in a rocking chair.   In the 2^nd grade classroom, where my mom is the teacher, I wait for her to correct papers after school before we go home. 

Upstairs in Louie Hall, memories come flooding in from all the Christmas programs, science fairs, phy. ed. classes, and school assemblies.  Perhaps the most memorable moment occurred while the entire school practiced for the upcoming Christmas program.  During that rehearsal a bat flew in and swooped down multiple times towards all of us, which sparked ear piercing screams from the girls (and some teachers) and we all ran downstairs to our classrooms.

I pause in the Louie Hall Auditorium, with it’s high ceilings and wood floors, and stand silently, reflecting on my time here.   When you are experiencing something for the last time, it’s best to linger as long as you can to soak it in. Unlike the rest of the school with mold, and decaying walls, the auditorium has held up remarkably well – besides the layers of dust, it has been frozen in time.   But now, just like all things, the end has come.  It’s time to move on and I must say good-bye.  I will no longer be able to physically visit this building again, which has the ability to trigger nostalgia and old memories– that will be reserved for old pictures, class reunions, and the people who were around me during the formative years of grade school. 

Earlier in the week, I ventured to the new St. John’s school building with my three year old son.  We played on the same playground his older siblings used to play on.  My older kids have graduated from St. John’s and have moved onto the next stage in life and I relished the ability to re-live this moment again with my youngest and to make new memories.    We won’t be able to make new memories in the old building across the street, which brings me to my final reflection.

I have been lucky that my past has been filled with many good memories.  I am lucky to be a part of the history of the old St. John’s School.  It is good for us to reflect on the past and use those insights for the future.  We cannot stay in the past, for it is gone.  Although I will mourn the loss of the building, I hang onto the hope of the future.  Jordan’s future is very bright.  I look forward to the progress and the great things that are happening.  New parks, splash pads, new businesses, and excellent schools.  I reflect on the past, but place my focus on moving forward.  Looking forward with anticipation brings positivity, but remaining in the past keeps us stagnant.  Once the building is leveled, I hope for something positive to take its place in the future.  Something that benefits the school, church, and the town of Jordan.  This is my challenge to the church, the city, and the community.  Let’s work together to utilize this prime piece of property for the benefit of all.  To do anything less is a waste of a historic building.          

Window looking out to the church, photo taken from auditorium floor

4th grade classroom chalkboard - still lessons on the board from 14 years ago.

2nd grade classroom with a bathtub that was used for kids to read in.  It was too heavy to move so it remained in the building.

Main entrance

I invite you to find out more about the history of this building by reading David Melin's Blog, "The Life of a Father of Five" - which you can access by clicking HERE

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Five Reasons to Run Outdoors this Winter

Five Reasons to Run Outdoors this Winter.

       1.   You Don’t Get Hot

The first and most obvious benefit to running outside in the winter is that you aren’t likely to overheat. Because of this, winter running is actually somewhat easier. Heat and humidity slow you down and can make you want to stop running before your planned mileage is up. Even in the gym, the air can get sticky. But outside in the fresh air you can maintain a comfortable temperature for a long time with just a couple of moisture wicking layers on.

       2.     It Builds Mental and Physical Toughness

Pulling on the gear and heading out into the 20 degree day can be a hard thing to do when your house is (and your toes are) nice and warm. Not to mention the fact that there’s dirty snow on the ground, the trees are nothing to look at and your running partners have all disappeared.  We’ve talked about suppressing the lizard brain – the voice in you head that tells you – “I can’t”; well, this is a good time to learn how to quiet your lizard brain.

Running in the cold improves your physical endurance; the intense weather can program your body to operate better in adverse conditions, thereby increasing your stamina. Also, you’ll get used to the cold after awhile, and the increase in blood circulation can keep you warmer while you’re at rest. Learn to love racking up miles out in the chilly tundra, and you’ll become a much stronger runner.

3.     It Curbs the Winter Blues

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) gets to a fair amount of us, especially after the holidays are over. But even if you don’t get the winter blues, a dose of fresh air and sunshine is good for you. It can boost your mood and keep you motivated while everyone else is sleeping late and complaining about the snow.

4.     Keeps You in “Movie Star” Shape

The term “bathing suit season” was coined for a reason: most everyone spends the spring and summer on some diet trying to lose the winter weight and regain their shape. But you don’t have to let the colder months turn you into a lazy pile of mush.

You can stay motivated and challenged all winter long by keeping up on those outdoor miles. Your swimsuit will thank you. So ask for some running gloves and a neck-warming gaiter for the holidays, and run outdoors this winter. You might even surprise yourself and find that you love it.

5.     Positions You to Reach Your Personal Best For the RUN OF THE MILL!!!

Athletes not in a winter or spring sport rapidly lose their stamina, endurance, and strength if they stop working out and do nothing.  The benefit of winter outdoor running is the maintenance of your level of fitness.  The goal should be to maintain your fitness so that you are ready for THE BIGGEST RACE OF THE YEAR.   Just maintaining your fitness level puts you ahead and will undoubtedly lead you to unprecedented personal best times in our small town race.

It is important for athletes not in a winter sport or in a low-cardiovascular spring sport (such as golf or baseball) to try and fit in runs when you can, otherwise your performance will go backwards or your improvements at best will be minimal.

Marathon Motivation

How do you find out if someone has run a marathon?  Those that have finished one have already told you.

I signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon as a way to support my wife as she tackled running a marathon for the first time.  Last Sunday I went into the race having just recovered from a couple of running injuries.  The injuries prevented me from training as much as I would have liked.  I was nervous for the run, as my longest run leading up to race day was six miles.  But I made it to the starting line!  Because of this, my goal was to finish the marathon before they closed the course in the 6-hour time limit. 

Something interesting happened during the race.  Enthusiasm.  All throughout the race people cheered all the runners on.  Thousands of people, who have no idea who you are, cheered for you, because you were doing something that less than 1% of the population have ever done before.  Running is sport where your mind tends to control how well you run.  If you are not in the right mind-set, you will not run well, even in you have fresh legs.  But if your legs are tired, your mind can help push through pain and finish the race. 

The crowds acted like a huge boost of energy.  They cheered for you, they clapped their hands, they held signs that read, “I don’t know who you are, but I’m proud of you!” You’ve trained longer than Kim Kardashian was married!”  “You know the first person that ran this died, right?”  All of the encouragement and motivation pushed me to do the best I could.  Which reminds me of the Zig Ziglar quote, “Motivation, like showering, doesn’t last, so we should do it daily.”   I was showered all throughout the race with the crowd’s encouragement that I went on to finish the race in 4 hours 22 minutes - a full hour and 38 minutes faster than my goal!  Before the race I didn’t think 4 hours 22 was possible, and wouldn’t have been possible without the support.  

So my challenge to you is: Whom can you encourage today?  How can you motivate yourself and others?

Remind Me Who I Am

Last Friday night I was able to see Jason Gray live in concert.  His music was great, but his message of the motivation for writing the song, "Remind Me Who I Am" was even better.  Being February and the month of love, I thought it very appropriate to share.  (I italicized the part that was an "A-Ha!" moment for me. )

Enjoy! 

 

June 29, 2011

Originally posted in The Rabbit Room) by Jason Gray


For the last few years my journey has circled around the idea of identity, where we find it, and why it matters. Our resident expert on the issue of identity here in the Rabbit Room is Ron Block, whose posts and comments are fragrant with the hope of the new creation alive and available to each of us. He knew something that I want to know, and so I wanted to talk with him.
It had been on my mind to give him a call for several months already when, sitting on a plane in Seattle one night in January, I watched him board. Not only is Ron a really kind and intelligent guy, but he also happens to be in one of the most accomplished bands in the world, Alison Krauss’s Union Station. Heck, he even made an appearance in one of my favorite movies: “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”. So when he spotted me, smiled, and said “I’m sitting by you!” I guess I felt a little like the girl from America’s Got Talent – “Ron Block wants to sit by me?” I thought to myself.
It all had the whiff of a divine appointment, and thanks to Southwest Airline’s open seating policy, Ron was soon seated next to me and for the next three hours I got an education that brought some clarity to my understanding of myself and the way the human heart works. Much of what inspired this song grew from that conversation.
The idea I absorbed in my formative years was that I sin because of my willful disobedience. And while that may be true in part, another truth is that most, if not all, of the time I really don’t want to sin, so that I do so seemingly against my own will. Or as the apostle Paul famously said, “I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway…” ( The Message)
So sin begins to look more like addiction than anything else, as though there is a ravenous hunger deep inside of me that demands to be fed. What is that hunger, I wonder?
Genesis chapter three tells us that one of the first consequences of sin entering the world is that the ground would be cursed, that we would eat by the sweat of our brow and the soil would produce weeds and thistles. This carries in it the idea of futility: that our efforts are frustrated, that no matter what we do, we feel it’s never enough – that perhaps we are never enough.
The constant, nagging fear that we don’t and never will measure up is like a pebble in our shoe that troubles every step of our journey. Surely this is the curse.
We can’t live under the oppression of inadequacy long before we start looking for ways to escape the shame and loneliness of it, and things go from bad to worse as we flee from the curse by running to things we hope will make us feel loved, desirable, and worthy.
We run to affairs. We surround ourselves with symbols of status that we hope will convince us of our worth. We escape into the fantasy world of pornography where for a moment we can imagine ourselves desired and wanted with no risk of rejection. We flee to workaholism determined to prove our value – our life and vocation shaped by a fear of failing. We hide in the bottle. We turn inward and refuse to risk disappointing those we love by withholding ourselves from them.
But of course all of these desperate grabs for significance leave us worse off than we were before — more empty, more ashamed, and with more regret.
If only we could learn to run to Christ, the one who calls us his beloved, his bride, the child that he chose to welcome into his family. We would hear him tell us that we are enough because he says so. We would hear him call us his treasure, and we would come alive.
There is that parable where Jesus speaks of the Kingdom of God being like a man who, having found a treasure in a field, sold everything he had in order to buy the field and gain the treasure. I was always taught that I was the man in the story who needed to give up everything in order to “gain” the Kingdom of God. But our own Andrew Peterson pointed out to me years ago that in the other parables surrounding this one, the “man” in the story was always God. What if God cast himself as the man in this parable, too? Is he the one who gave everything he had in Jesus in order to recover us? Could it be that we are God’s treasure?
When I’m tempted by sin these days, I can feel beneath it a desire to feel worthy and loved. This desire tells me that I’ve forgotten who I am and need reminding. I’m learning to run to the only one who can tell me, the One who carved my name in the palm of his hand and gave everything he had so I could be his.
It is heady and humbling at the same time to be so highly regarded by one so worthy. It makes a difference.

Letters to Dad

For Anne Ylvisaker, ideas come from asking questions. 

Ylvisaker, posed a deep question to her aunt, “What was it like to lose your father while in elementary school?”  In the conversation, Anne’s aunt replied she had written a letter to her father before he died.  However when replaying the conversation in her head, she didn’t remember correctly and thought that her aunt wrote a letter to her dead father after he died.

So Anne wondered, “What would a nine year old write to her father after he died?”

She put herself into the mind of that nine year old and wrote a letter.  Sadly, Anne lost her own father not long before and missed telling him all about the details of everyday life, so that’s what she had the nine-year-old write about. 

Anne wondered where the story might lead, and then soon had enough letters to compile a book – which she titled, Dear Papa.

My own eight-year-old daughter and I just finished the book as part of her bedtime routine.  As I was reading Dear Papa to my daughter, one letter struck a cord with me.

Dear Papa,

Happy Birthday to you! I knew right away when I woke up this morning that it was your birthday.  I looked at everyone’s face at breakfast to see if they remembered….

On the way home, I invited Ian (her brother) to come to my room for a party after school.  We snuck up candles and crackers and milk and taped paper candles to the crackers.  We told 44 things we remember about you.

This particular letter caused me to pause and think, “What if I were to die and my daughter would start writing letters like this to me?  What if when I’m in heaven I can see what is happening on earth and read the letters my daughter is writing?”  This thought brought tears to my eye about the love between a father and his children.  What for the daughter is a simple gesture of writing a letter about what is happening in her life, for a father it is a huge sign of love.

And for the first time I thought, could this be what prayer is like on the receiving end?   To me, it was a realization that my simple thanksgiving prayer that I offer up each day is heard.  It is heard and means more to Him than what I probably give it credit for.

He is crazy about us.  He craves that relationship with us.   It isn’t unlike the love between parents and their children, except His love for us is greater.   To make our Father happy we can engage in a simple conversation with prayer. 

I’m going out on a limb here, but maybe He knows that the physical distance between us is hard, that the lack of audible response puts doubt instead of hope in our hearts – and so when we pray it is backing up our faith and it sends a powerful message to Him that we believe. 

So how do we pray?  Before I answer, re-read the letter in italics above. 

What did you notice?  What I noticed is that the letter begins by remembering the Dad’s birthday, and how excited she was for him.  The letter centers on the cool things about their dad.  Interestingly (or coincidently) enough my birthday was just last week, and my daughter wrote the 10 best things she liked about me.   It touched my heart.  So when you pray, I think an important component of prayer is thanking God for our blessings and listing off things that are cool about your Father.

If you look at prayer in the perspective of a parent child relationship - a heartfelt prayer is best.  Think about it.  When I ask my child how school was, I usually get the same response, “Good”.   What I hope to hear is, how recess was, what did they learn, and if they struggled with anything.  I don’t get frustrated with the one word automatic reply, but it sure is fun hearing about the details of their world.   

Prayer is important, especially because I feel the relationship you have with your Father is the most important relationship we have.  I typically don’t share my faith quite so publicly, because of the fear of being judged.  But I looked at prayer in a new perspective, and felt compelled to share it with you. 

My Words of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Coffee with swirling cream

Rotary Turkey Trot

Macy's Thanksgiving Parade
Oh You Turkey coloring contest
Patrick Reuesse's Turkey of the year

Road trip to the relatives
Grandmas, Aunts, Uncles, In-Laws
Overstuffed Couch
Football

Wafting thanksgiving dinner kitchen air
Stomach growls
Anticipation

Prayer

Turkey
Lumpy mashed potatoes with gravy
Stuffing
Sliced Cranberry jell out of the can
Sweet Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Buttered corn
Fresh warm baked rolls
Cold milk

Going back for seconds

Overstuffed belly

Pumpkin Pie
Flavored Coffee

More Football
Food Coma, couch

Brisk walk

Cards and Conversation
Leftovers
Beer
Hot tub

Autumn Lovin'

The difference between poor and broke.

Recently I've fielded several calls inquiring about scholarships for behind the wheel instruction.  Here at community education we offer behind the wheel at a cost of $250 for six hours of instruction.  I'll admit $250 is expensive.  But the cost covers the instructors pay, insurance (which is high) gas, and maintenance of the vehicle.

In one particular case a mother and her daughter asked if we could set-up a payment plan so that they could tackle the cost in chunks.  They agreed to pay $50 a month.  Once we received $150 we went ahead and gave the behind the wheel instruction, but we kept the daughters form that allows her to take the drivers test until we received the final $100 in payment.  Once we received the $100, she would get her form and be able to take the drivers test.

A month after she had finished behind the wheel, the mother and daughter failed to make any payments on the rest of the $100 that was owed.  Then the mother called and asked for a scholarship for the remaining $100.  I said no.  Then she told me that they weren't in a position to come up with $100 and wouldn't be able anytime soon be able to come up with $100.  I simply said, "as soon as you come up with the $100 we'd be happy to give you the form to allow your daughter to take her drivers test."

I wanted to help, I wanted to bring her into my office and figure out how she could come up with $100.  But I didn't.  I didn't because I knew this woman was not only broke, but poor.

There is a big difference between being poor and being broke.
When you're poor you have no money, and no hope of ever getting money
When you're broke you have no money, but you have hope.
When you're poor, you focus on all the problems
When you're broke, money is only a short-term problem.

Instead of looking for work, she was looking for a hand out.
Instead of teaching her daughter how money works, she was teaching her how unemployment works.
Instead of focusing on ways to come up with $100, she focused and worried about lack of money.
Instead of taking action and making a decision to do anything, she decided to take no action.  

This is how mom was raised and is raising her daughter.  And so the cycle continues.


Reminds me about the quote, It's not where you've been that's important, it's where you are going.

In the past 12 months our house has been hit with an usual amount of household problems.  Not one but two cars needed to be replaced.  Bought used cars.  Used cars ran well - for about a week.  Made numerous trips to the mechanic.  Dryer went out.  Vacuum died.  Needed beer. 

Then we made some tough choices with money.  Instead of having a stay-cation, we went to Colorado for a family reunion (we committed to go and paid for half the trip).  We also decided to send our kids to private school, which is not cheap.

Throw in all those financial obligations and we spent close to $15k in expenses that we normally don't have.  I don't know about you, but an extra $15,000 added extra stress to my life.   It's enough to freak you out.  Especially when the bill from the mechanic has an extra zero that you weren't planning on.  We couldn't pay the bill.   Because we didn't have all of the money to pay for the repair, the mechanic kept the car.  Don't worry, it worked out.  We got creative with transportation and eventually paid, and got the car back

If you're poor and you have a flat tire... your whole world gets turned upside down.  Poor people operate on a thin margin of error.  Luckily for us, we are not poor, just broke.  When misfortune hits, we work extra hours, we slash our expenses, and eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches.  It may take a while for us to get on track, but at least for us there is hope.  Which above all is the main difference between being poor and being broke.  We know this is just bad-luck and is only short-term.

So I say to all my readers... hang in there.  "Out of suffering comes perseverance.  With perseverance comes character.  Out of character hope.  And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured his love into our hearts by the holy spirit, whom he has given us"  -Romans 5: 3-8.

Time, I want more.

Let’s face it.  We all want have multiple areas in life that we want to do well in.  Things that matter to us.  Without a doubt these things, if done right, require time from us.  Time is a finite resource, and we only get so much of it before we leave this world.  Question is, can we some how have enough focus on the things that matter to us without sacrificing one or more of them?

Here is my list of things I want to spend time on.

My faith

My wife

My daughter

My son

My Friends

Family (brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins, nephews, in-laws)

Church and church activities (Small group, connectors, fundraisers)  

House and household duties (Cleaning, Repairs, Cooking – eating better than box dinners)

Coaching Cross Country

Career and continuing with my part-time job, attending 1-3 nightly meetings a week.

Finances – spending time going over the family budget.

Exercising

Volunteering – all pro dad/school activities/Rotary/volunteering at school

Reading and learning

Rest – getting 8 hours of sleep a night, keeping Sunday afternoons activity free.

Attending local sporting events, and the occasionally Gopher basketball game.

I asked my wife can we do it all?  We concluded, if we do, we have to be intentional, and put everything in the calendar in writing and then stick to the calendar.  Undoubtedly this would leave us with a rigid schedule for each day almost everyday.  Which as I type it, sounds constraining and leaves little room for spontaneity.  That doesn’t sound too appealing either.

Can you prioritize the most important areas of focus and then align your actions with those priorities?    Can you be congruent with your priorities and how you spend your time?

Keep in mind that emergencies will pop-up and require us to temporarily re-allocate our time. 

It’s making a decision on where to spend your time, and then being ok with not spending time on something else.  What will we sacrifice?  Will I be ok with that sacrifice?

Do you know anyone that's figured this out yet?

 

Dark reflections of my past

I saw him today.  I was in the park playing hide and seek with my two young kids.  My two, innocent, living life to the fullest, kids.  I happened to look over at the house next the park, and there he was in the backyard watering flowers like nothing ever happened.  I haven't seen him for 17 years.  His hair once black is now completely grey and time hasn't been good to him.  

Before he was the boisterous teacher with the loud laugh that pushed you to think creatively.  You didn't admit it, you hated the work, but you liked the results that came and you appreciated it.   Not anymore.  Any respect you had for him has turned into disgust.  Everything in me wants to go back 17 years ago and expose to the world the fraud that he was.  To give back the innocence of those he hurt and to open the eyes of those who supervised him. 

Reflection of your school years was supposed to be one of glory days, of Friday night football triumphs, high school crushes, and innocence.   I look back now and think, "What if..."

What if I confronted him, what would I have said?  What if I had told the police, what if I had warned the victims, what if he decided to prey upon me? 

I wasn't a victim, but if he truly hurt 100 or more kids I should have known.  To know now, that while most of us were experiencing a normal life, some of my classmates were going through a nightmare.   How did I not see?  How could I be so self-absorbed that I didn't have any idea?  

I played the what if game when I saw his name in the paper again last week.  The feelings rushed back.  I'm still angry.  It's still right there.   Writing this post today helps give me closure.  But writing isn't enough.

I haven't completely forgiven him, and I will not receive peace until I do.  Forgiveness doesn't mean what he did was right.  I'm starting to learn the difference.

My life is good.  I've been blessed to have been born in the best country in the world, to have won the "parent lottery" with two parents that loved me and raised me right.  I have a loving wife and two beautiful innocent children and a meaningful job that gives me financial peace.  At the center of it all is God.  I truly believe that my life (and yours) is better with God in the middle of it.  The more I forgive the more peace I receive.  That's a wonderful gift.   I don't think this happens by yourself, you have to ask Him to give you strength. 

I will learn to fully forgive him one day.  I ask you to do the same of that someone who hurt you.  This does not mean you accept what he/she did was right, forgiveness means letting go of your hatred and sorrow. 

To any of my classmates that haven't come forward yet, I am sorry for not noticing and helping.

Why I Run

I've always enjoyed running.  Not in the need to compete in races kind of way, but as a kid I liked to play tag or run the bases in kickball.  My favorite type of drills in basketball were the full court fast break run as quickly as you can drills.  When I was new I wanted to skip the learning to walk thing and go right to running.  As kids, didn't we all prefer running to walking?  We had places to go and new things to discover, why waste time walking?!  I think intrinsically we all want to run.  

In college I knew a few cross country athletes on the Saint Mary's team.  One of the runners on the team was getting ready to graduate and at the same time was training to run a marathon a few weeks after graduation.  A very bold way to celebrate I thought.  Running 26.2 miles is a huge audacious goal.  I was impressed to say the least.

Graduating from high school meant an end to team sports like football and baseball for me.  Graduation from college meant the end of basketball.  Sure I went on to play a little bit of town team baseball after college, but I didn't have the same enthusiasm for baseball like I did when I was in high school.  My favorite thing about sports is shooting for a goal and the journey you take to accomplish that goal.  I no longer could be a high school state champion, but I still wanted to accomplish something big.

I decided to run a marathon.  About as big of a goal that I've ever tried to tackle.

And the seven month marathon training was quite a journey.  I had my share of struggles.  Most of which were in my head.  I struggled to get out of the air conditioning and run in 90 degree heat.  I struggled to get out of bed on Saturday morning to go for a long run when I'd rather sleep in.  I struggled to go on a run after a long day of work.

But along the way came successes and a discovery of what I could do.  My first huge success was the first time running 10 miles.  This was a huge accomplishment for me because at this point I knew finishing a marathon was possible.  Then I surprised myself when I finished a half-marathon in under 2 hours.  

Towards the end of the training, you run for long distances - and that takes time.  Meaning you spend less time with your new bride while you run for four straight hours.  But race day is close and you've put in too much work to quit now.

The marathon day and the actual race will always remain one of the biggest memories I'll ever have.  The weather was perfect.  Cool and sunny.  I crossed the finish line in the time that I had hoped for and then it was over.  I, like 10,000 other marathon finishers, competed in the same course following the same footsteps as world class professional athletes.   I can share more about the race, but blogs are supposed to be short.

Something unexpected happened during the marathon training.  Running changed me.  Running was now a part of me.  Even though the marathon was over- I felt a craving to keep running.  If I didn't go on a run, my day wasn't complete.  If I failed to hit the road for more than 2-3 days I started to feel depressed.  Even stranger yet, I grew to love running in extreme conditions.  I now absolutely love running in the rain, the heat, and extreme cold.  No longer is there a desire to run a marathon, but just a desire to lace up my sneakers and run for 30-40 minutes.  It's not easily understood but -

That is why I run.

Lizard Brain

In my mind there has always been one thing holding me back from doing great work, one thing preventing me from doing work that matters, one thing that prevents me from starting a new business venture or applying for a new job.  That one thing has plagued me practically my whole life.  What is it?

Author Seth Godin and I call it the Lizard Brain

What exactly is this monster?

Dinosaurs had a lizard brain.  Their brains told them to:

Be selfish

Figure out how they are gonna eat.

To run and hide from predators.

To stay safe and comfortable.

All animals, chickens, squirrels have a lizard brain.  Including humans.  It's the oldest part of our brain.

95% of teenagers are controlled by the lizard brain.

What are characteristics of the Lizard Brain?

It’s invisible

It’s insidious… it will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work.

Lizard Brain is always full of B.S.

Lizard Brain is Impersonal

Lizard Brain never sleeps

Lizard Brain is universal – we all have it, it never goes away

Lizard Brain plays for keeps

The Lizard Brain Says:

They are gonna laugh at me.

I’m too tired to go for a run today.

Nobody else is doing it.

It hurts to run hard – its not worth the pain

I’m not good enough.

I'm not smart enough.

The teacher has it in for me.

I’m too busy.

The list of excuses is long.

The lizard brain loves excuses.

As we get closer to competition or commitment the louder the lizard brain gets, and before you know it, its screaming at the top of its lungs!  What happens is we listen to the lizard brain,… and hit the repeat button  - then we don’t do the work, we won't ask the hot girl out, we don't raise our hand, we lay low in the background.  And we sabotage our goals and never take a chance on success.

Following the crowd makes the lizard brain happy because then you don’t stand out… you don’t rock the boat and everything stays the same… and when you listen to the lizard brain you become a “pretender”.  You aren’t your true self.   

What if you quieted the lizard brain, what if you took a chance?  What if you decided that discipline was worth it?  What if you didn't care if you failed?  What would be the worse thing that could happen if you did fail?  

What happens if you do nothing?

Father's Day

This week I've noticed a lot of great dads.  Maybe I'm paying attention more because it's the week of Father's day.  I've seen dads playing with their young kids at the park.  I've seen numerous kids skipping behind their father while he walks into the store with a big smile on their face - it's a look that says, "I'm with my Dad and he is cool!"  These dads aren't your stereotypical dads.  

At St. John the Baptist school and Park Elementary we host an "All Pro Dad's Day" breakfast before school starts.  I look out into the crowd and all I see are excellent fathers who are real men.  Men who know that their greatest job is raising their children right and spending time with their kids.  Every child who attends that breakfast with dad is searing a special bond into their memory.  And dad knows it.

These dads aren't your stereotypical dads.  T.V. tells us that the stereotypical dad is a beer chugging, sports loving man whose 11 year old kid is smarter than him.  They are weak men that orbit the family.  They aren't the central figure of the family.  Society is critical of the role of fathers at home.  When it comes to parenting, you'll be hard pressed to find a story strictly related to dear old dad unless we're talking about fathers who abandon their children.  Men are at the low end of the totem pole.

Men observe these stereotypes and kind of absorb them through osmosis.  We apologize simply because of our existence.  Our kids see these stereotypes on television and in the media and assume that they are true.   Dads are sort of shrinking in the background.

This strikes a nerve with me.  Because that stereotype is the opposite of how I see myself as a father and all of the great fathers that I see around me.  

In the book, "Strong Father's Strong Daughters" author Dr. Meg Meeker explains that the 

Data shows that if you have a strong, engaged, morally centric man, there is a rock solid correlation to a confident strong successful daughter.  

As important as the data shows, it wasn't until she said the following that truly made me realize my impact as a father, "Every women takes one man to her grave.  And that's her dad.  No matter how old she is.  Even when she is 70 years old and her dad is 90.  There is a huge part of her that is her dad.  A dad has an authority in her daughter's eyes with a capital A.  It just is that way, and nobody else will ever replace that.  She is her dad's daughter always.  In a way a father's impact and effect on their daughter as they grow into adulthood is as great and profound as ever, because daughters are still shaping themselves - Who am I as a mother, who am I as a wife, how do I make this work?  They look to their father throughout their life, so the teaching goes on and on and on.   Every daughter wants more from their father." 

It's an incredibly special bond that a daughter always wants to have with their dad.

I listen to the way my own mother talks about her dad, and easily see that what Dr. Meeker says is true.   

I look at my own father with a strong fondness and thank God that I had a father who showed me the value of hard work, to be patient, the importance of humor, and the effect that confidence plays in your life.   Growing up, my father was larger than life and all I wanted was to hang out and play with him.  I still remember growing up on the millpond having my dad teach me how to play catch and throw.  Those days are etched into my memory.  Thank you dad!  

So on this Fathers day, I'd like to thank all of the great fathers and wish them a Happy Father's Day!

How NOT to buy a car.

Our 17 year Chevrolet Tahoe proved too costly to fix, so it was sold.  Now it's time to buy a new car.  In this post I explain the process of what we did to buy a car.  I spent a lot of time looking and test driving, and had some truly great revolutions and made some mistakes.  But there was one huge mistake that I don't want you to make.  Read on so that you can learn from my big blunder.

What We're looking for:
We were looking for a car we could purchase for $3,400 or less.  The car needed to be a car that would be decent on gas mileage and not be too much of an eyesore.  Types of cars we were looking for: Toyota Corolla, Honda Civic, and Ford Focus.

What We Discovered
In this economy there are a lot of cars available but very little in our price range.  We saw many beaters out there selling for $1,000 or less, and many of these vehicles were SUV's or gas guzzlers.  We also saw quite a few vehicles selling for $10,000 or more.  There wasn't much in between.  Throw in a fuel efficient vehicle and there was even less to choose from.

The Search
By far the best selection of vehicles in the $2000-$4000 range were found on craigslist.  CarSoup and AutoTrader had a decent selection, but Craigslist had everyone beat.  Most of the vehicles in this price range were coming from the small car dealership on the side of the highway and private sellers closer to the Twin Cities. 

What we did not find was any vehicle from your large name brand dealerships in our price range.  Cheapest car we found on the lot was $5000.  

We looked at least 15 vehicles from these smaller dealerships and about five from private sellers.  I will tell you that I highly prefer looking at a car from a private seller than from one of these used car salesmen.  I just didn't know when these car dealers were telling the truth.

Negotiating From a Private Seller
After looking at many cars we went to a private seller and saw a 1998 Honda Civic for sale.  The owner told us everything he knew about the car and that it would need some minor repairs.  The car had a little rust, but nothing serious.  We offered cash on the spot, but offered $300 less than what he was asking for and he declined.  So we walked away.  That night he called us back and told us he would accept our offer.  However, we wanted to look at a few more cars.  This is one of the mistakes I made.  I wish I would have purchased this car.  He was willing to take $2000 for car whose blue book value was $2500.  But I wanted something better.  So we searched some more.   Lesson learned - buy with cash and chances are they will accept your low ball offer, but be willing to walk away if they decline.

The Big Mistake
Not having a lot to choose from we went to BEST BUY MOTORS located in Shakopee by Burger King.  They seemed to have large number of cars for under $5000.  In particular they had a 2002 Ford Focus for under $3000.  That car really caught my eye.  I took my dad along to get his opinion and support.  We test drove a few cars, and the Focus still was my favorite.  I asked the Dealer what he could tell me about the car.  He said that it had gone through a 33 point inspection and it was good to go.

I asked my dad what he thought and he was not impressed.  He pointed out a few flaws and told me to think about it before buying it.  I was anxious thinking that this was the best car that we had seen so far.  Plus the car salesman had told me that several people were "On their way to test drive the Focus".  So I didn't want to lose my chance.

I bought the car for the asking price on the spot.  I bought it "As Is" with no warranty.

I take the car home and already there seem to be a few things wrong with it.  The battery light went on and the brakes all of a sudden started to make a grinding noise (one of my least favorite noises).  So I take in the car to my favorite mechanic - Moske's in Le Sueur.  And they found the following: Car needs a new serpentine belt, front rotors, rear suspension, and CV joint.  Not horrible, but still around $500 worth of repairs.  So I go ahead and fix them.

Two days after that the check engine light goes on.  And my blood pressure shoots up.  I take it back to Moske's and he tells me that the alternator is bad and the Catalytic Converter is bad too.  Totally nearly $1400 in repairs.  Both will need to be replaced in the next month.

I'm Livid.  I realize I had been duped by Best Buy Motors.  So I contacted them as it had not even been a week since I bought the car and now it has almost $2,000 worth of repairs.  They did nothing, offered nothing and played dumb.

Lessons Learned

1. Do Not But a vehicle from the small dealer on the side of the highway - especially do not ever buy a vehicle from Best Buy Motors in Shakopee.  I've never been lied to and taken advantage like I have from them.  I gave them a chance to win back my business even after the obvious lies and still they did nothing.  Don't even step on their parking lot.  They are devious.
1. Another red flag - Through this experience I learned that most of these small dealerships purchase their vehicles at auction.  They do not do a carfax report on them so they themselves know nothing about the history of the vehicle or if the vehicle has been in an accident or not.   
2. Listen to your old man.  He has experience and has been in this situation more than you.
3. Buy from a private seller - offer cash on hand to help bring the cost down.  People do weird things when you have thousands of dollars in cash in your hand.
4. Always - Always - Always have your vehicle thoroughly inspected by a mechanic before buying.  Might cost you $70 to have a used car inspection.  But believe me, it's money well spent.  
5. Most importantly - stay away from Best Buy Motors in Shakopee.  Did I mention that? 

I will make the repairs on this Focus, and hopefully it will become reliable.  Talk about an expensive mistake.  Any of you have any car buying stories (good or bad) to share?  I'd love to hear them.